5 Common Struggles in Blended Families – and How to Start Healing

Sarah Larsson
Jun 16
3 min read

Blended families are becoming more common and yet, they often face challenges that no one prepares you for. As a therapist working with stepfamilies, I’ve seen the same patterns over and over again: good people trying their best, but feeling stuck, invisible, or at odds with each other.

Here are five of the most common struggles blended families face and what you can start doing today to heal and move forward together.

1. Feeling Like an Outsider

One of the most painful experiences for bonus parents is feeling like they don’t belong. You might love your partner deeply, but still feel like a guest in your own home, especially when biological parents and children share a bond that you're not yet part of.

Healing tip: Connection takes time, not pressure. Focus on building small, genuine moments of trust with each family member rather than forcing closeness. Having clear roles and boundaries can also ease the emotional load.

2. Different Parenting Styles

It’s very common for partners in a blended family to have different expectations around discipline, routines, and rules, especially if one is a parent and the other is stepping into a new role.

Healing tip: Create a shared parenting plan where both adults feel heard. Talk about rules, consequences, and values — not just tactics. Our Blended Family Workbook includes a complete Family Rules + Roles template that makes this much easier to navigate.

3. Loyalty Conflicts for Children

Kids often feel torn, wanting to love and connect with their bonus parent, while feeling guilty about being disloyal to their biological parent. This can lead to withdrawal, acting out, or confusion.

Healing tip: Normalize the child’s experience. Reassure them that they can have more than one loving adult in their life without betraying anyone. Avoid putting them in the middle of conflicts or asking them to choose sides.

4. Unspoken Expectations

Many blended families struggle because everyone came into the family with silent hopes about how things should be. When those expectations aren’t met, resentment builds.

Healing tip: Get those expectations out in the open. Talk about what everyone hoped for, and what hurts. That’s why we included a “Expectations vs Reality” reflection exercise in the Blended Family Workbook — to help couples and co-parents uncover these hidden tensions before they turn into bigger issues.

5. Communication Breakdowns

Let’s face it: blending a family is emotionally complex. And when we’re stressed or hurt, we tend to either shut down or explode — neither of which helps communication.

Healing tip: Use structured check-ins to keep the family talking in a safe and calm way. Regular family meetings (even just 10 minutes!) can make a huge difference. We’ve included a step-by-step Family Meeting Guide in the workbook to get you started.

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

Blending a family is hard. But with the right tools, support, and mindset, it’s absolutely possible to create a home where everyone feels seen, respected, and connected.

If you’re ready to take a step toward healing and want guided exercises to support the journey, check out the Blended Family Workbook.

It includes: